On mind mind tonight like most nights I sit watching the baby sleep. I know I need my rest but it is hard. I just keep thinking about how small she is and how she is having to have yet another surgery. I am thankful it is just a minor one I just hate the thought of it. Every since we scheduled her surgery date I have been so anxious. I just pace the floor sometimes cleaning sometimes just surfing the web. No I guess I will write about it. I know she will come out of the surgery just fine, it just hurts knowing my little baby is having another procedure. I look on the bright side though she is healthy enough just to have a day surgery and won't need a hospital stay. So here I sit praying and worrying. Not about the surgery so much but just about how things are going to be now that I am not working. It seems I have prayed all my life to have a chance to be a stay at home mom. Now I am afraid. Afraid mostly due to the fact that we are now just a one income household. And it seems even though we may need some assistance we are unable to qualify. We are in that loophole. We make enough for some programs but too much for others. But I guess that is how it goes. My one major worry is my student loans. It makes me rethink all the time I spent in school getting an education, since I have been unable to use the deegrees. But I need to pull myself out of this hole and start to build. I want to build a home based business I just need to find a need that is not being met in my current city. Or maybe we need to move. So many choices. I love this small town but it seemsy dreams and ideas are a little too big for it. Well here I go to lay my head down for a couple hours since the little one is due to wake soon. Until next time.....
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